The Joys of Alienation
Multiculturalism depends upon the explicitly stated desire
to be together. This desire is the public face of the multicultural ideal. It
says "Let's talk to each other. You tell me about your way of doing things
and I'll tell you about mine. I'll eat your cooking and you eat mine. I'll do a
dance on your holiday and you light a candle on mine." Without this public
proclamation of good will (and the proclamation must be not only public but
ongoing; it doesn't count unless it is proclaimed as a regular part of our
public discourse) there could be no understanding between cultures, races,
language groups, religious beliefs. We all know this.
What we may not know is that there is another side to this
open invitation into our lives. There is another proclamation, not so public,
but enacted in public every day by every one of us. That proclamation is
"Leave me alone." Just as we cannot live together unless we are open
to being together, we can also not live together if we don't know when to back
off. Another name for this knowledge is "tact."
Last month I had a tactless encounter, one that we have all
had and handled with varying degrees of diplomacy. My doorbell rang and when I
answered the door I was met with two very unwelcome things: an icy breeze and a
religious enthusiast who felt obliged to share with me the knowledge that I was
not living correctly. I informed him that, thank you, but I have also thought
about these issues, have taught the Bible and have come to my own conclusions
and to my own philosophy. In other words, "Thanks, but I don't want to
talk to you." He then proceeded to inform me (while I was politely trying
to close the door and wish him better luck at the next house, and trying to
bear the blast of cold air chasing all the expensive heat from my apartment)
that he was not talking about a "philosophy" (a word that he
pronounced with a definite sneer) but a "belief." I countered with
"I'll tell you what I don't believe in. I don't believe in aggressive proselytizing."
The last word stunned him long
enough for me to close the door.
In my imagined version of the conversation I say this:
"You think I am living my life in an incorrect manner. I believe that you
are delusional. I believe your assumption that you have access to the mind of
God is arrogant and in direct contradiction to your purported humility. I
believe that your arrogance is a step away from a dangerous aggression, and I
think that you are wasting your life and doing more harm than good. So we both
believe that the other is wrong. But here is the difference between you and me:
I don't knock on your door to inform you that I believe you are wrong. I
respect your privacy and your right to have this delusional belief."
This encounter has brought home to me the need for tact in a
society where we all live together. When I say that we practice this skill
every day, I mean that we navigate our lives in the close- packed urban world
knowing when to give each other space. We understand when not to make eye
contact, when to ignore behavior, when it is appropriate to have those small
limited exchanges that make modern life more agreeable. Mostly, we understand
how not to make ourselves burdensome to others. So, far from decrying the
alienation that is a part of the modern world, we should see in it our
salvation.
The hard truth of multiculturalism is that we only embrace
the easy parts. It is no real moral challenge for me as an agnostic to light a
candle at midnight and listen to the Greek Orthodox priest announce the resurrection
of Christ. It is easy to like world music. It is more than easy to love
Singapore Noodles. Food, music, holidays: if these were the whole of
multiculturalism, it would not create such passion. The uncomfortable part of a
multicultural society is when we believe that others are living not just differently, but
incorrectly. I believe that your culture does not show women respect. You
believe that my culture shows no respect for proper authority. I believe that you
are a slave to tradition. You believe that I don't really care about my family.
We can't wholeheartedly embrace those aspects of the other that clash with our
own sense of right and wrong. So what are we to do?
We already know the answer:
leave each other alone. We know we won't convert each other, so we will just
have to ignore those parts of each other's cultures that we can't agree with.
As in any socially awkward situation we will practice diplomacy, look the other
way. The paradox of multiculturalism is that it is only possible where there is
a unifying belief to which any culture can subscribe. Finding such a belief is
next to impossible if we are looking for some particular proposition that we
can all agree to. It is, however, much easier when the statement that we agree
to is "None of us will break the law, but I'll do what I do, and you do
what you do." It is only when
we demonstrate this tact to each other that we can ever hope to gain the trust
that would allow us to ask questions of each other, challenge, debate. But we
must learn to do so not by knocking on a closed door but by having the skill not
to go where we are not invited.
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